Lost
by EngulfedMagic
Summary: Gale returns to District 12, and meets Katniss again. Set post-Mockingjay.


His eyes flew open, and his breathing tried to slow down. Another nightmare, this one even worse than before. Sleeping was out of the question now.

Slowly he stood up from the bed, going to the window to open it and let the fresh air in. Dawn was just breaking.

Another day, once again in solitude.

Work took his mind off of life as he immersed himself in electronics, snares, weapons. The war was long over. It's been 3 years, but still it haunted him at night. Especially her. She was always there. Dying. Leaving. Abandoning him every single time.

He wanted to see her. To hold her. But knew that she was out of his reach, just like the sun. She was with Peeta now, happily married.

He remembered hearing the news of their marriage just like it was yesterday. How mad he was then. Not even knowing why. After all he left her, not the other way around. But of course he hoped that she would come back to him. Instead she chose another.

The one who she can't survive without.

Even though deep inside he believed that it was him she needed. And then when the realization hit that he was wrong… well, it was already too late.

He tried to lose himself in other women, but failed every single time. It was her he wanted. Only her.

'Gale.' - Beetee's voice came from behind me and I looked up, wondering what time of day it was.

'You should go home. Tomorrow chief has a job for you outside of the district.'

I sighed, wiping my forehead with a cloth: 'Thanks.'

He left me alone then, going home himself. I was probably going to end up like him. No wife, no family.

I put those thoughts at the back of my mind. No point in thinking about it. At least tomorrow I would have a change of scenery. Probably working in district 3, as it was the closest.

'You're assigned to district 12 for a month. They need new technology in schools there.' - The chief spoke and I just stood there staring at him. Was he joking? District 12?

'Is that clear?' - he looked at me with a raised eyebrow, not understanding my stupor. Of course, how could he? He like everybody else in Panem believed that Katniss and I were just friends. And we were. Just friends. The kisses didn't even seem real now.

I thought I would be ok, would have time to prepare myself. Instead I was just shoved in the hovercraft.

Soon enough I was on familiar ground. My home. It's been so long. My heart drummed inside me, in anticipation. I was going to see her. She was a grown woman now. 21 years old. And no doubt she was going to be the same. The girl on fire.

Nobody knew I was coming, so as I made my way to my old house, people were taken aback. Some smiled, others waved, but I could tell they were shocked to see me. After all they knew about Katniss and me.

Soon enough she would know I was here as well. Would she come to see me? Or would she be afraid to see what I've become? But I wanted to see Peeta's reaction. Coming back into their lives again. Would he feel intimidated? Think that I could take Katniss away from him once again?

But then even if I tried, it would all fall on her. She would be the one to decide. And as far as I knew she already decided to be with him. After all her and I were the same. Our personalities collided too much.

I started work straight away. There was no point in wasting time. The sooner I was done. The sooner I was going to leave.

A week passed before I saw her. And only then it was by accident. Not so much on my part though. I knew she still hunted.

My footsteps didn't make a sound as my eyes fell on a young deer about 10 feet away. The knife was poised in my hand and I was about to throw it when an arrow lodged itself in my prey's eye.

I froze and strained my hearing. I didn't know where she was. Just then her silhouette appeared from my left, walking towards the deer.

And still I couldn't move. She wasn't the same. She was astounding. Long dark hair plated into a braid that fell to her waist. Those intense eyes that haunted me in my dreams. Her slim but attractive figure. Without knowing it my hand crunched the leaves beside me as I was overwhelmed by her. By wanting her.

She, no doubt, heard me as her body swirled in my direction with an arrow poised at my heart. Then her eyes widened as she recognised me. The shock was clear on her face. But she knew I was here. The whole district knew. That meant that she never planned on seeing me. Why?

A small pang of pain crossed my heart. Did she hate me so much?

I didn't let the emotion show on my face as I walked into the clearing and smiled: 'Planning on killing your best friend?'

She lowered her bow, putting the arrow back into the sheath and glared at me: 'I could have shot you.'

As I said she didn't change much.

I raised my hands in a placating gesture: 'Sorry.'

We just stood there in silence then. Each one not knowing what to say. Just observing each other. I decided to speak first, after all we were always straight with each other:

'Why didn't you come and see me?'

She shot me a dark look: 'Why did you leave without saying goodbye?'

She still remembered that I left her. And of course she didn't forgive me. Trust Katniss to hold a grudge forever.

'I didn't think you needed to see me. You were trying to deal with your own problems.' - I replied.

'Translation - You didn't want to bother me because I was suffering from a mental breakdown.' - She retorted.

That's not what I said… Of course I wanted to see her. But Peeta was already there for her. And I didn't want to bring him into our conversation now.

'Whatever.' - She muttered after I didn't say anything and spun around, leaving me behind.

On instinct I followed her.

'Katniss.' - I called, but she didn't respond. She wanted to be left alone. So I stopped. Letting her walk away once again.

Screaming. Screaming.

I jolted awake, panting. Shit. Still night.

The air was cool as I left the house, going for a walk in the dark. I needed to shake off this feeling of doom.

After walking for about half an hour, I decided to visit the place which I dreaded the most. The place in the forest where Katniss and I spent our days sitting, talking, having fun.

My feet didn't make any noise as I strolled towards the hill. As I stepped onto it I felt that something was wrong. I wasn't the only one here.

She was sitting on the grass, with her knees wrapped in her arms, her chin resting on them. The moonlight reflected her face. So pale and beautiful.

What was she doing here?

As I thought that, she sensed me and her head whipped around in my direction. Our gazes locked and in a second she was on her feet, with her back to me, running away.

My feet moved on their own accord as I raced behind her. The distance grew smaller in milliseconds as I was determined to catch her.

Just as she was about to round a tree my hand grabbed her arm pinning her to it.

She tried to fight me off. Her fists banging at my chest, trying to push me away. But I was relentless. I finally had her in my arms.

My mood began to change as I grew irritated with her wish to escape. My hands took hold of her wrists pinning them to the bark on either side of her head. Just then our eyes met again. And in hers I could see clear panic, but something else. And that something else made me lower my face to hers, crushing her lips with mine . A sob escaped her as her body shuddered. But I didn't pull away, I wanted her to kiss me back. I was not letting her go until she did. But she was refusing to give in.

I moved closer to her, pushing my body against hers, closing any way she had of escaping. She gasped from the pressure and I deepened the kiss making her respond to me. I could feel her heartbeat through our clothes. And at that moment all I wanted was to feel it on bare skin. My hands moved to her jacket unzipping it and I could sense her trying to fight me off again.

'Don't' - I whispered against her lips and that seemed to have some effect as she relaxed in my grip.

My fingers made quick work of her first layer of clothing. The night air seemed to grow warmer. I took of my own shirt, as she stood silently before me in her black lingerie and trousers. Her eyes scanned my chest, quickly coming back to my face. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her. Though in my case I needed her. Needed to have her.

Our lips melted together once again, this time her hands wrapped around my neck, drawing me closer.

We weren't thinking about the consequences at the moment. Only fuelled by our desire for each other.

My mouth travelled down her chin, to her throat, making her utter involuntary moans. I unbuttoned her trousers, letting them fall down, revealing her full body.

My hands travelled down her thighs grabbing the back of her knees and lifting her up as she settled against my hips perfectly wrapping her legs around my waist. Her skin was flawless, so different from 4 years ago when she didn't care about her appearance. Now she looked after herself, making her body look presentable, seductive. But it was for him. Not for me.

I let out a groan as anger overcame me. She was supposed to be mine. Only mine.

We moved away from the tree and I lowered her to the ground. She didn't weigh anything. Just like a feather. The rest of our clothes came undone quickly after we lay on the damp earth.

Heat and fire coursed through my veins as our bodies collided, grinding against each other. Becoming one.

Only one thought was registered in my head. She was mine. And just then another interrupted -But not for long.

Soon she will go back to him. And there was nothing I could do about it.

My arms tightened around her, and I pulled her even closer making her cry out. I was trying to control my temper, not wanting to hurt her, but I couldn't stand the thought of her being in his arms again. Saying his name. And just then she whispered, barely audible: 'Gale…'

I couldn't explain what emotion came over me. I just knew that I was happy.

I raised my head meeting her clear grey eyes. What was she thinking? She looked content as she traced her thumb along the corner of my lip.

My eyes closed in pleasure as my whole body shivered from her touch.

Then the first rays of sun started breaking through the branches of the trees and both of us realized what just happened. I rolled off of her finding my clothes. The air seemed to get colder even though it was roasting a few minutes before.

Soon I was fully clothed watching her zip her jacket. What was I going to say to her now?

She met my gaze briefly before her eyes darted away in embarrassment.

'I need to go.' - She barely spoke but her words rang out so loud in my head that I wanted to shut my ears. But what could I say? So I replied with the first word that came to my mind: 'Ok.'

She didn't look at me as she quickly started walking back to her house, to her husband.

I stormed away then, hitting and kicking everything in sight. Trees, bushes. My knuckles were bloody raw when I finally staggered into my house. I slammed the door and my back slid down the wall.

What have I done?


End file.
